


Sound of Silence

by khohnsu



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Personas (Persona Series), Deaf Akira, Delinquent Ryuji, Drama, M/M, Mentions of Attempted Suicide, Non-Graphic Violence, Past Abuse, Ryuji finally saying fuck woha, he's still a good boy, smut in later chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-16
Packaged: 2019-10-10 04:03:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17418734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/khohnsu/pseuds/khohnsu
Summary: If he hadn’t decided to skip school so he could hang out around Shibuya, out of sight of the officers, sucking on his cigarette while spending his time with doing nothing but thinking about his pathetic life and those shitty adults who had ruined it in the beginning. If he hadn’t gotten into a meaningless fist fight with that fucking wannabe gang leader from the other school who was all bark but no bite, bruising his knuckles and nosejust rightto feel the life run through his veins once again, spitting blood and running his sleeve over the bruised corner of his mouth, a feral grin showing teeth like an animal. If he hadn’t done any of this and sat in school on that particular day…Things would have been different now, probably.





	1. The sound of determination

**Author's Note:**

> So, I wanted to write something more serious, more dramatic for a while now and I'm glad I finally did. I barely started writing and I already feel so emotional, ~~I'm a big baby ahh.~~
> 
> * In this story, Ryuji is in the same class as Akira and Ann. They're also all 3rd years, meaning they're around 18.
> * Okumura, Shido, etc. exist but they're just normal, _'good'_ adults except for Kamoshida and Madarame (who already got arrested for his crimes)
> I think that's all what you need to know.
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes, English isn't my first language.
> 
> The [main theme](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lPYhDfOY0Yg) of the Bleach Live Action movie might be a fitting main theme for this story as well, because same mood.

It was a mild spring day when he showed up, tall and quiet and mysterious. The students looked at him with curious eyes, wondering who he was. Ryuji swore, if he had been there that day…if he hadn’t decided to skip school so he could hang out around Shibuya, out of sight of the officers, sucking on his cigarette while spending his time with doing nothing but thinking about his pathetic life and those shitty adults who had ruined it in the beginning. If he hadn’t gotten into a meaningless fist fight with that fucking wannabe gang leader from the other school who was all bark but no bite, bruising his knuckles and nose _just right_ to feel the life run through his veins once again, spitting blood and running his sleeve over the bruised corner of his mouth, a feral grin showing teeth like an animal. If he hadn’t done any of this and sat in school on that particular day…

Things would have been different now, probably.

Just when his fist connected with the jaw of the other in Shibuya, Ms. Kawakami turned towards the students at Shujin Academy with a nod.

“This is Akira Kurusu. From now on he will be a student here. He…can’t hear.”

 

 

 

“ _Ouch!_ What the–?” Ryuji swirled around, a scowl on his face, hand balled up into a fist in case someone tried to take a swing at his face while he was turning around. His shoulders relaxed slightly when he recognized that familiar face and he clicked his tongue in annoyance as he rubbed the back of his head, messing up his blond hair. “Ah. It’s just you.”

“What does _that_ mean?” Takamaki crossed her arms over her chest, her full lips forming a pout.

“Exactly what it means, that’s what it means!” Ryuji turned back around and leaned down to pick up the cigarette he had dropped, thanks to Takamaki hitting him in the head. “Why did you even hit me? Are you looking for trouble?”

Takamaki snorted and rolled her eyes at him. “Please. Do I look like you?” She shook her head and readjusted her school bag. “But you do, apparently. Look for trouble, I mean. Not that it’s something new. You know you're not allowed to do this, right?” She wrinkled her perfect nose and gestured towards the cigarette. 

Ryuji just shrugged his shoulders. “I'm not allowed to do a lot of things. So what?”

Takamaki sighed and gave him a weird look, like she was…disappointed. He didn’t like to be looked at like that. Like his mom did when he returned home with bandaged fists and bandaids in his face, when he gave her a forced smile and told her that everything’s okay, _he’s_ okay… He gritted his teeth and looked away so he wouldn’t see that look anymore.

“I just don’t want that disgusting smell around me in school. You’re sitting just a few desks away, that’s annoying enough,” Takamaki muttered and turned around, her pigtails slipping over her shoulder with that motion. It sounded rude but Ryuji knew that it was just for show. _I don’t want you to get into trouble for that_. Ryuji exhaled heavily through his nose and slipped the cigarette back into the pack in the pockets of his school pants. He watched how Takamaki walked away, leaving him in the narrow backstreet near the school and wondered why she even cared about him. 

“Hey.” Her voice echoed back from the buildings, pulling him out of his thoughts. She had turned around one more time, looking at him with soft blue eyes. “While you were skipping school we got a new student. He…” She trailed off like she was unsure about how to say it. “...Try to behave yourself when you’re around him, alright? He’s–“

But he never heard what he was because a girl’s voice interrupted Takamaki. Two female students jogged towards her, shouting her name. “ _Takamakiii_ – wanna get some crepes after school?”

The blonde’s eyes lit up at that and she forgot about what she wanted to say. She gave Ryuji one last look before she turned away and walked up to the other girls who were eyeing him suspiciously. Ryuji knew that they’d talk about him once they were out of his sight. People always did and even though he pretended that he didn’t care it still bothered him.

_Wasn’t that Sakamoto?_  
_I didn’t know you have business with him, Takamaki…_  
_You should be careful, I heard his father is a criminal and that he is in jail..._  
_Well, they do say ‘like father, like son’ huh? If you go near him he’ll turn into one too._  
_He got into a fight with a teacher…you’ll never know when he’ll snap in class. Maybe it’s for the best that he skips school this often, at least we're safe._

He didn’t notice he had hit the wall next to him. Only when he felt the pain of his already bruised knuckles from the fight yesterday did he look up, all clenched fists, gritted teeth, tense shoulders. Ever since that day he had saved her, his life had taken this miserable turn. If he hadn’t bothered like the rest, if he had minded his own business like the rest, things wouldn’t be like this. 

But ditching someone who desperately needed help just so he wouldn’t get into trouble…that was something he couldn’t do. Years of enduring his drunken father’s violence, watching him beat the shit out of his mother over and over again, making him wish to be strong, to be big enough to save her had been enough. There was no way he could close his eyes when someone needed to be saved. He didn’t regret his actions, even though it felt like saving her was something bad, thanks to the talks and gossips, the label they had put on him, their words and looks and behavior stinging him like the punishing strike of a whip against his back. No, he didn’t regret sacrificing his _‘normal’_ school life in order to save a girl. But ever since that day he swore to himself that he would mind his own business. No more playing hero. 

He pulled his hand back, the unpleasant throbbing in his knuckles pulling him out of his thoughts and memories. He stuffed his hands into his pockets, not feeling like going to school today. Just the thought of the people talking and whispering in hushed voices was enough for him to scowl and turn his back to the school to walk back the way he had come.

Usually he didn’t skip school three days in a row. Maybe Kawakami would overlook this one as well.

 

 

_“Kamoshida…you bastard!”_  
_His fist flew right into his face, hitting the teacher so hard he stumbled backwards, taking a few books on a nearby table with him._  
_The girl – he had seen her a few times with Takamaki but he didn’t remember her name anymore, Su…zui…? – scrambled backwards on the table she was sitting on, clinging to her disheveled uniform, a few strands of her black hair sticking to her tear stained, bruised face. Other than that she didn’t look like she was hurt and it was a huge relief for Ryuji, knowing exactly what that son of a bitch had planned to do. It made him so sick that his lips twitched, the sour taste of disgust almost enough to make him throw up._  
_Sick._  
_Sick._  
_They made him so sick, those shitty adults abusing their power and position to harm others to their liking!_

 

Ryuji blinked. He was so lost in his thoughts that he forgot where he was or what time it was. He glanced at his phone. Late enough for him to be surprised. He had walked around the streets, avoiding officers with practiced skill, so lost in thoughts that he hadn't noticed how time flew by until he came back to reality, leaning against the wall of a building in some side street, flicking ash from his cigarette he didn’t remember he had lit. His bad leg throbbed like an after effect from the memories and Ryuji bent down with a frown, rubbing his leg to ease the pain.

Suzui’s cries. Kamoshida’s cold eyes. The sharp pain in his leg as bones bend and broke. Everytime he remembered this day his insides tingled with barely contained anger, his body shaking, his fists clenching. A year had passed but as soon as he finally embraced the electrifying flames of his wrath on that day he couldn’t put out the fire ever since. 

He didn’t even want to. 

It made him feel strong and alive.

Ryuji dropped his cigarette to the ground and slipped his phone back into his pocket. It was late enough that he could return home without looking suspicious. He didn’t feel like hanging around in Shibuya today.

_“You saved her.”_

The image of Takamaki, bowing down in front of him, popped up in his mind. He couldn’t shake off the memories.

_“You did something I wasn’t even capable of. For that…I’m grateful.” Her voice was shaky and she whispered the last part, like she was scared of the emotions that would consume her if she spoke up just a little. Her blonde hair was covering her face but the slight tremble in her shoulders told him enough._

_It was the first time he was able to protect, to save someone. It was the first time someone thanked him with such honesty. He could feel how his throat tightened and he pressed his lips together._

_“Thank you for saving her…Ryuji.”_

On that day, he had wanted to confront Kamoshida. He had always been a thorn in the teacher’s eye, for whatever reason. Ryuji had never caused any trouble, never got into fights or talked back at people. But something about him seemed to bother that rotten bastard. Was it his potential as an athlete? The danger of him growing and shaping into a successful, young man while Kamoshida got older and unimportant over time? Whatever it was, it was enough for the teacher to abuse him mentally and physically but Ryuji had never fought back, choosing to endure it so he wouldn’t get into trouble, so he wouldn’t disappoint his mother. Every word, every punch had fueled the angry fire inside of him. 

Until it had consumed him completely on that day.

_He knew something was different when he entered the school on that day. People talked behind their hands, giving him uncertain looks. Their behavior confused him until he found out that someone had spread the story about his father and his face was burning with uncontrolled anger._

_"I heard his father is a criminal…"_  
_"Do you think he’ll turn into a criminal too?"_  
_"He looks so normal though…guess you can't judge a book by its cover."_  
_"He’s always covered in bruises, I’m sure he gets into fights all the time."_

_No one knew about his dad and his crime. There was only one person who hated him so much to dig informations up to ruin his life._

Ryuji gritted his teeth until his jaw started to hurt. He had picked up his pace a little without noticing, his bad leg protesting slightly, silently, softly.

_On that day, he wanted to confront Kamoshida. The hot, burning flames of his anger were licking at him, begging to be released, begging to be extinguished. It was a grey, dull day in April, school was over and the students were strolling out with tired faces, like the dullness was affecting them, like Ryuji was sucking in all of their energy to keep the fire inside of him burning as he was passing them in the hallway._

_He was so sick of keeping his mouth shut. The punches, the insults, he could handle that. But something so personal being exposed to the public, that was something else and Kamoshida would pay for this._

_Enough was enough._

When he turned around the next corner he was back at the school gates of Shujin Academy. He saw the students pour out of the building, telling him that school was over for today and he slung his bag over his shoulder and made his way towards the subway station like the others, mingling under them. He drowned out their voices, ignoring their talks about that new café somewhere in Shibuya, how good that movie was they watched yesterday or how annoying school was. Between their empty words Ryuji made out a few hushed whispers and he tensed up slightly, preparing himself for the newest rumors about him. But nothing came. He tried to listen closely but only caught some words.

“I don’t even…why he came to our school…schools specially…people like him…?”  
“If Ms. Kawakami expects us to learn…for him, I’m gonna snap…”  
“…creepy how silent he is, like he’s not…”

 _Ah._ Didn’t Takamaki mention they got a new student? Poor soul, only a few days had passed and they were already talking about him, and not in a good way. He heard some harsh things and decided to tune out their voices before he could get annoyed. He knew how it felt when others talked shit about someone, after all.

_“Kamoshida, you bastard!”  
His fist, hitting him in the jaw. Suzui, crying while she clung to her clothes. Kamoshida, tumbling backwards and rubbing his jaw, almost surprised before his eyes clouded over with anger._

_But his anger was nothing to the anger Ryuji felt. His skin was prickling, like he was charged up. He was sure, if someone would touch him right now, they’d get a shock._

_“What did you do to her?!” he yelled, even though he knew what he did or what he would have done if he hadn’t barged into his office. He was standing in front of Suzui so that his back was in her view, protecting her just from the mere sight of the rotten teacher who had forced himself on her._

_Kamoshida just grinned at him and it made him even more sick. “If that isn’t Sakamoto,” he hummed and rubbed his jaw. “Getting all violent just like his criminal daddy.”_

_The flames of his rage completely consumed him, burning up his mind until he could no longer think._

The voice of the person announcing the next train, dull over the speakers, yanked him out of his memories and he noticed by now that he was already at the station. A quick look around him told him that he had missed his train and he shrugged his shoulders. He didn’t really care anymore.

He could hear a group of female Shujin students giggle and chatter somewhere behind him. There were a few businessmen around, ladies with their heavy bags, some other students chatting with their heads close together, one single male Shujin student standing near the edge of the platform with his back turned to him. Everyone looked the same, everyone had this tired, dull look on their face and Ryuji felt like he stuck out, not only because of his looks. He lowered his head a little, leaning against the wall of the station as he pulled out his phone to check the time. The next train would arrive in a few minutes.

The announcer repeated their words once again, informing that the next train wouldn’t stop here, that it was just passing through. Ryuji didn’t really care. It wasn’t his train anyway.

His bad leg ached a little from all the walking and he shifted a little, putting his weight on the other leg instead. The pain always reminded him of that day and how his life had changed completely, so fast that it had made his head spin. 

_The sharp pain in his leg, bones bending and breaking as Kamoshida stepped on it just right to crush it. He could feel the snap through his body and it made him so sick and dizzy he almost passed out for a second. The pain had pulled him out of his blind rage as he had attacked Kamoshida with all his strength and he felt so sober, so clear all of a sudden, like someone had slapped him awake._

_He didn’t notice how people barged into the office as Kamoshida ground down on his broken leg with sadistic pleasure. Only when a few male teachers wrestled Kamoshida down and Ms. Kawakami kneeled at his side to say something to him did he realize what was happening around him and his heart jumped._

_Suzui had called for help while he was fighting with Kamoshida._

From that day on Kamoshida was no longer a teacher at Shujin Academy. His life should be better but it wasn’t. The worst rumors had started to spread around the school and thanks to his broken leg he was no longer able to do what he loved, his future, his dreams of being a professional athlete shattered into thousand pieces, just like his bone. Since everyone knew about his father sitting in jail for attempted murder, they thought that he had turned into a criminal as well and attacked Kamoshida just because he felt like it. They didn’t know that he had saved Suzui from Kamoshida because the school wanted to keep it secret and they just told them that he got arrested for some past crimes they didn’t know about. 

Only Suzui and Takamaki knew and it was the first time someone approached him in genuine kindness in the past weeks, to _thank_ him.

_“From the bottom of my heart, thank you for saving Shiho…”_

Even though he lived his life labeled as a delinquent from that day on… Ryuji leaned his head back and exhaled slowly with his eyes closed as he heard the announcement once again, interrupted by the sound of the train’s horn, announcing its arrival. 

_Nah_ , he thought. _Saving Suzui was one thing. But I won’t play hero another time. If it means to ruin my own life to save someone else, I’d rather mind my own business._

His eyes scanned his surroundings, not focusing on anything until his gaze fell onto the student at the edge of the platform.

Still…even though he lived his life as a delinquent from that day on, even though his life turned shittier with every breath he took…

…wasn’t the student in front of him a little bit _too_ close to the edge…?

“Hey,” he said but he didn’t get a reaction. _Fuck the subway station and its fucking noise._ He raised his voice a little to shout over the students chattering behind him, the noise of the arriving train, the volume of the announcement. “Hey you!” His voice echoed through the station but still, no reaction.

Ryuji looked around him. A few men gave him a weird look, like he was crazy or something. _Okay_ , so _they_ had heard him but the student apparently hadn't. 

He could see the lights of the arriving train, how they lit up the inky black curls of the student in front of him who still didn’t react to anything around him. 

No one even attempted to do something.

Ryuji swallowed in disbelief. Was it real? Was he the only one who saw the danger? Images flooded his mind, horrifying images, how the speed of the train would force the student forward and under it, red splatting everywhere, the people screaming in horror– Sweat started to prick his neck, his eyes were wide and panicked, his heart started to race in his chest.

No one moved, the students continued their silly talks about the newest sweets while the businessmen looked down at their feet, their eyes unfocused, their expressions dead. No one seemed to sense the impending tragedy or tried to _prevent it_.

Ryuji had sworn to himself ever since that day that he would never play hero ever again, that he’d never save someone again because it only caused trouble. Saving someone was the sole reason for his current situation after all. He would mind his own business, closing his eyes and ears and pretending not to care, just like everyone else did.

But deep down he knew that his words were a _lie_ , his vow _fake_.

Closing his eyes to someone who needed to be saved was like being a coldhearted criminal. 

Images of his father popped up in his mind, a sickening grin on his flushed face, the smell of alcohol surrounding him like a coat as his fingers wrapped around his mother’s throat, enjoying to see the life being choked out of her.

He wasn’t like him. He didn’t want to _become_ like him. He was better than that! He was the opposite of this monster, he didn’t want to _harm_ innocent people, he wanted to _save people_.

And if it meant for him to mess up his life even more…as long as he could save someone, as long as he could hear those words again he never really deserved…then to _hell with all of that bullshit about not caring!_

Cursing heavily under his breath he sprinted forward, wincing when he moved his bad leg in a painful way. But the pull of the muscles, the ache of his bone wouldn’t hinder him from saving a fucking _life_.

He reached the student just when the train showed up and adrenaline shot up his spine. He grabbed the other boy by his biceps in a tight grip which startled him so much that he took a step forward to keep his balance, his foot slipping on the edge of the platform and– no no no _nono no, that’s the wrong direction, oh my god that's the wrong fucking–_

Ryuji gritted his teeth and dug his fingers into the muscles of the other guy's arm, using all of his strength to yank him back, so hard that he dropped something. A low, surprised gasp was the only warning he got before his tall body crashed into his from the force of his pull, sending the both of them flying back and to the floor. It knocked the breath out of Ryujis lungs when his back hit the concrete and he felt dizzy for a moment before the loud sound of the train passing through the station snapped him out of it. He hissed in anger and rolled them around until he was on top, grabbing the other student by the collar to yank his upper body up. “ _Are you fucking deaf?!_ ” he screamed into his face. “I _yelled_ at you like _three times!_ You could have fucking–“ He stopped when his eyes met the other’s and the world around him turned silent and blurry, like they were underwater.

This was the most beautiful face he had ever seen in the entire 18 years of his existence.

Deep, grey eyes blinked at him in confusion. They were framed by dark, thick eyelashes, in such a beautiful way that he knew girls like Takamaki would kill for them. His nose was perfectly shaped and his jawline so well proportioned and sharp like a knife. Black, messy hair fell into this ridiculously attractive face, tousled from the fall. His full lips were slightly parted and Ryuji was so close to him, he could feel his breath on his face.

He stared at him for a few seconds, the sound of the other male’s soft breathing the only sound he heard until everything started to come back and they were surrounded by the noise of the station once again. He could feel the people staring at him, talking in fast, hushed voices.

Ryuji snapped out of his dazed state. He didn’t understand how a guy could be this attractive – and _how it made him feel_. He closed his mouth, biting his lips to gather his chaotic thoughts. _Must be from the fall_.

“ _Look_ ,” he said so sharp, pronouncing every letter like he wanted to cut skin. He didn’t miss how the other student’s gaze fell to his lips. “Don’t do that _ever again_. This could have gone horribly, horribly wrong. Whatever you were thinking, ending your own life is not gonna solve your problems, it’s just a way of running away from them!” He knew what he was talking about. He had been at this point too and it filled him with guilt at the memory, when he was thinking about taking his life to escape the nightmare, almost leaving his mother on her own with his father. _Like he could ever do that to her_. He gritted his teeth to shake off the thoughts and tightened his grip on the other’s collar. “Get your shit together and _face your problems!_ ”

He let go of the other male and he dropped back to the ground, still looking confused. Ryuji almost felt bad for yelling at him like that but the fear had been enough for him to overreact. He tried to calm down a little, waiting for a response from the guy under him, but it never came and it almost pissed him off again. Didn’t he understand Japanese? He didn’t look like a foreigner though. Whatever it was, it didn’t matter anymore. He was safe and that was all what he wanted.

He heard the sound of the next arriving train when he got up and the announcement told him that it was his. Ryuji rubbed his aching leg with a grimace and gave the guy on the ground one last glare before he turned around with a click of his tongue, not even bothering to help him up.

“Are you okay? Did he hurt you?” He made out the worried voices of some girls behind him and he tensed up. Of _fucking_ course. They didn’t even attempt to pull that guy back from the edge but _now_ they pretended to care? And thought he had _attacked_ him instead of _saving_ him? He was trembling with barely contained anger. Of course they did. He was _that Sakamoto guy_ after all.

Ryuji was glad when the train stopped in front of him and he slipped through the doors as fast as he could before he could snap at the girls. Only when the doors closed behind him did he turn around one last time to look at the platform. The guy was still on the ground, in a sitting position now while the female Shujin students tried to help him up but he didn’t seem to register them. He was still looking at Ryuji, his expression no longer confused but… _fascinated_ now, like he had seen something incredible.

_Yeah, probably the fucking grim reaper somewhere on the rails._

The train moved and Ryuji finally lost sight of the guy. He sighed, his tense shoulders relaxing and the adrenaline wore off. Now he felt the pain in his leg and it wasn’t pleasant. But still, he didn’t regret saving that guy even though he had hurt himself. Just like on that day. Even though it had cost him his leg, his future and dreams about becoming a professional athlete, his life as a normal student, he didn’t regret saving Suzui. Because it had been the right thing to do.

So, to hell with his stupid vow. It didn’t matter if he got into trouble as long as he did the right thing, even if it meant to punch his teacher in the face or to throw a random guy to the ground.

For the first time in the past weeks, _months_ did Ryuji feel like he had figured out the meaning of life. His mind was clear, the fire inside of him extinguished for now.  
  
He hoped it would last.  



	2. The sound of pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
> _I'm a little different_  
>  _But I'm only a kid_  
>  _And I have nowhere else to go_  
>  _I'm all out of time_  
>  _But I'm gonna hold the line_  
>  _Cuz I have[nowhere else](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=94DH25LT9y4) to go_  
> 

“I heard he had attacked a student from our school yesterday at the station.”  
“No way! Who was it?”  
“Another 3rd year… I think it was…”

Ryuji tried to ignore the hushed whispers but it was difficult. Wherever he went the false rumors followed him and it annoyed the heck out of him. He had skipped school three days in a row now and decided it was about time to show up again, only to find out that the students had spread new rumors about him. He had saved someone from getting hit by a damn train yesterday and now everyone thought he had attacked him? He didn’t know if he wanted to cry or to laugh. 

When he stepped into the classroom everyone looked up and stopped talking for a second. Their eyes were burning holes through him and it was almost too uncomfortable. He glared at some guys who averted their gazes as quickly as possible and it broke the awkward situation. The students turned their backs on him and returned to their previous chattering, ignoring Ryuji like he had just disappeared into nothing. For once he felt grateful for their behavior.

He dropped his bag onto his desk and flopped down on his chair with a silent sigh, already exhausted even though the day had barely started. Takamaki gave him a look over her shoulder but he ignored her. He wasn’t in the mood to talk right now. 

He draped his arms over his desk and plopped his head down on them, hiding his face. He didn’t know why he even bothered coming to school. He wasn’t sure if he remembered the answer to it. His leg was useless, his reputation ruined, his dreams shattered. He didn’t have a reason to stay and focus on his studies anymore. Maybe he should just drop out and start working so he could help his mom out…

Her disappointed face popped up in his mind and he quickly tried to shake off the image. She always wanted him to focus on school so he could go to a nice university and study and be successful and happy with a job he wanted instead of spending the rest of his life with a job he didn’t like way too early.

He let out a silent sight and turned his face to the left to gaze out of the window and stop thinking. Only then did he notice that the seat behind Takamaki – the seat right next to him – was occupied. _Oh, right, the new student–_

His thought came to a screeching halt when he saw that familiar messy hair.

He shot up in his seat, startling some students near him but he didn’t care about them right now. His eyes were fixated on the person to his left who was gazing out of the window, too deep in thoughts to pay attention to the rest of the class. _Wait, that dude who almost got himself killed yesterday is actually–?_

Before he could finish the thought the guy turned his head like he had felt his gaze on him – and looked right into his eyes. 

_It’s him_. It was the same, beautiful face from yesterday except that he was wearing glasses. Oh. Was that the something he had dropped when he had pulled him back? Recognition bloomed in those grey depths and they continued to stare at each other without saying a word. Hell, even if he had wanted to say something, he had no idea what to say. Or _if_ he should say something.

It all ended when Ms. Kawakami walked in and the students shuffled to their seats. The other guy was the first to break their eye contact, turning his face towards Kawakami but his eyes were still big like he couldn’t believe that they were classmates.

To be honest, Ryuji couldn’t believe it either. It was almost _ridiculous._

He didn’t pay attention to class when it started. He barely registered the words Kawakami spoke, his mind filled with thoughts about the new student. He tried not to glance at him again but he could see him from the corner of his eyes. He seemed to be extremely focused on Kawakami unlike him. 

Minutes passed and each one felt like a lifetime. Once again Ryuji wondered why he was still here, why he still bothered and he dropped his head down on his arms, tuning out the noises around him. He had never been the type of guy who thought too much but over the year, since the Kamoshida incident, he had changed. Or more like the _people_ had changed him with their endless rumors and lies.

He saw movement out of the corner of his eye and it snapped him out of his thoughts. Kawakami was facing the blackboard, writing something on it and he used this to glance to his side once again. Takamaki had turned around so she was looking at the new student who showed her his notebook. She was reading what was written in it and whatever it was, it made her look up and glance at Ryuji. He froze, surprised, and tilted his head in confusion but she chose to ignore him.

Takamaki took the notebook and turned back around just in time before Kawakami could notice her. She was writing something down and Ryuji would be lying if he said that he wasn’t curious. Somehow he felt like this was about him and he just hoped it wasn’t anything bad.

The next time she had the chance, Takamaki turned around once again and handed over the notebook with a soft smile on her lips. The guy read over her text quickly and then nodded.

After that nothing unusual happened. Takamaki made notes and the other guy was watching Kawakami talk about…something. Ryuji wasn’t paying attention to her and class, glancing at the raven every now and then instead. The way he twirled his pen around his long, slender fingers like it was nothing while he was focused on Kawakami seemed way more interesting.

 

 

 

Ryuji had planned to talk to Takamaki once school was over but she was the first who left the classroom, waving him goodbye with a small smile before she disappeared. It made him groan in annoyance. It was like she knew he wanted to ask her about the new student and left him to talk to him on his own. The problem was, he didn’t even know how to approach him without acting awkward. He had thrown him to the ground and screamed at him in public after all.

Ryuji grabbed his bag with a snarl. Since when did he act so shy? He should get his shit together and talk to that guy, ask him if he was alright. That wasn’t so difficult, right?

That’s what he had thought but when he looked to his side the student was no longer there. _Ah. He’s gone, huh…_ He didn’t know why he felt a little disappointed. What had he expected? They didn’t even know each other, there was no reason for the other to wait patiently. Still, he couldn’t help but sigh, earning a few weird looks from the remaining students around him. He barked a half-hearted “ _what?_ ” at them as he packed his things and slipped out of the classroom without looking back. Another day, completely wasted. At this point he wasn’t even living anymore, he was just existing.

Ryuji made his way out of the school, kicking the ground. He didn’t know what he should do now. Maybe going to his favorite ramen shop? Or the arcade? Or even just hanging around Shibuya and waiting to get into another stupid fight? He wasn’t really up for anything, now that he thought about it.

Instead of heading straight for the subway station he walked into the small backstreet and leaned against the wall of the building. He looked down at his hand, taking in the bruises of his knuckles that were already healing and once again he wondered why things were like this.

“I wanna run…” he muttered to himself. Yeah, running had always helped him in such situations. It kept the bad thoughts away and always cleared his mind. And now that he had been robbed of it, he felt restless and didn’t know what to do anymore to keep himself from thinking.

He pulled a cigarette out of the pack in his pockets and twirled it between his fingers. Yeah, smoking…why did he even start? It wasn’t like he felt the desperate need for the nicotine. Maybe it was another form of selfharm? He had never thought about it, just tried it out when some dude gave him one and continued to do that ever since even though he never really needed it.

He was about to raise his arm to take the cigarette between his lips but something slapped his wrist, making him drop the cigarette to the ground. For a short moment he remembered the scene from yesterday, his cigarette between his feet as Takamaki looked at him with disappointed eyes. _Is that it? Is that her way of making me quit smoking? Waiting for me in some backstreet to do this shit?_ He whirled around with furrowed brows and dark eyes. “Takamaki, are you fucking _kidding_ me? Why do you even care, I _never asked_ –”

Those deep, grey eyes made him stop yelling.

With one hand in the pocket of his school pants that looked way too good on him and the other hand that had slapped the cigarette out of his hand still in the air was the new student. His eyes had a serious and…disapproving look, like Ryuji had done something bad and the blond caught himself swallowing. But then the other seemed to realize what he had done and his eyes went big. Instead of saying something he…raised his hand to his head, thumb and forefinger touching, to tap them briefly against his forehead before he moved his hand away and raised his fingers with his thumb spread away like he was forming a ‘J’ in a hasty motion.

Ryuji had _no_ clue what he was doing.

It must have shown on his face because the student jerked slightly and stuffed his hand into the pocket of his pants, looking embarrassed. Ryuji felt like he had missed something and tilted his head in confusion. “You…okay, dude?” he said slowly but the other didn’t respond because in the next moment he pulled his phone out of his pocket and started to type something.

_…what the heck?_

First that guy had slapped the cigarette out of his hand, then he had gestured like a panicked chicken and now he _ignored_ him and played with his phone? Ryuji wasn’t sure what was going on right now but he was sure that that guy was _really fucking weird._

“Hey,” he muttered and rubbed the back of his head. “…don’t wanna sound rude but…” He trailed off when the student pushed his phone into his face and Ryuji took a step back. _Eh?_ He looked at him in confusion but Mr. Frizzy Hair just tilted his head, his face telling him to look at his phone so…he did.

He had opened some kind of a note pad app and Ryuji leaned forward to see what he had written even though he wasn’t sure _why_ he had to read. That guy had a mouth to use after all.

_Smoking causes erectile dysfunction._

His head shot up and he looked at the other in something like embarrassed annoyance. It didn’t help at all that he was fucking _smirking_ at him, eyes narrowed mischievously. He looked like a big, giant, black cat that had pushed something over the edge of a table on purpose, satisfied with the result.

“Dude, that’s _not_ funny!” He was pissed off, yes. But not in his usual, aggressive way, more in an embarrassed way and it was weird. He looked away, trying to calm down a little. This guy was _so_ fucking weird, he didn’t know how to act.

The student was typing something once again and Ryuji watched how his fingers flew over the display, almost fascinated. Then he raised his phone again, looking at Ryuji in silent patience.

_I wanted to apologize for yesterday._

He swallowed and glanced up at him. “Apologize…?” he asked and noticed once again how the other’s gaze fell on his lips, just like yesterday. “Apologize for what?”

 _Tap. Tap. Tap._ Ryuji still didn’t understand why he was writing on his phone instead of answering him directly but chose not to comment on it. Maybe that guy had lost his voice during a cold? Or he couldn’t speak Japanese after all? But it didn’t make any sense since he seemed to understand him…

The phone in his face interrupted his thoughts and he concentrated on reading.

_You were yelling at me and I wanted to apologize for making you upset._

He didn’t know why but reading this made him angry and sad at the same time. That guy…had almost got himself killed and now _apologized?_ For making _him upset?_ “ _Dude_ ,” he breathed out and looked up at him but the other didn’t meet his eyes, watching his lips instead. “You shouldn’t apologize to me. You should apologize to the ones who care about you because they’ve almost lost you.”

His face changed a little, pain flashing through his eyes. Ryuji shut up at the sight, not sure if he had said something wrong. But his expression quickly changed back and he started to write something again. Ryuji didn’t know how much longer they’d stand around here like this but somehow…it didn’t bother him. That guy was weird, yes, but there was something about him that made him stay, he just couldn’t tell what it was.

_Thank you._

Ryuji didn’t say anything, the confusion on his face said enough. The other noticed it right away and pulled the phone back, typing again. His face was blank, not showing any signs what he was thinking. The next time he showed his phone hit Ryuji like a truck.

_For not letting me die._

The raven looked at him from under his dark lashes, the expression in his eyes unknown yet meaningful. Even though he hadn’t heard him saying this, just reading was powerful enough and Ryuji didn’t, _couldn’t_ move. This…this was different from saving Suzui, from having Takamaki bow down to him. It was like he finally realized what he had done, what could have happened if he hadn’t moved.

_Without him, this person wouldn’t stand in front of him now._

Ryuji swallowed and rubbed the back of his head, looking at his feet, feeling so small all of a sudden. He opened his mouth to say something to that but he didn’t find the right words. Should he even say something? He didn’t know that guy, how should he know how to act? 

He looked up at him and saw that he had stuffed his hands back into the pockets of his pants, his phone no longer in sight. He was just standing there and looked at him with a patient smile on his lips. And somehow…it calmed him down. He no longer felt nervous or small and soon he returned that smile without realizing it. 

The other student tipped his fingers against his head in a salute before he turned around, ready to walk away and let Ryuji alone in this backstreet. “Wait,” he said, not sure if he should reach out or not and he ended up with his hand hanging in the air rather awkwardly. The other didn’t seem to hear him and soon he walked around the corner leading to the subway station, disappearing as quickly as he had shown up. As soon as he was no longer in his sight the background noises, the sounds of life around him returned. Ryuji hadn’t even noticed how the world around him had gone silent during their encounter. 

He lowered his hand and looked down at it, not sure what he should do with himself.  
“Weird,” he mumbled. “I don’t even know your name.”

 

 

 

He never really liked being in the city when it got dark. Darkness meant danger, darkness meant shady people lurking in the shadows and waiting to attack him. Sometimes Ryuji missed the days where he could stroll through the streets day and night without worrying that someone might ambush him, he missed it so much that he would lie awake in his bed and stare at the ceiling, his chest so tight that he couldn’t breathe anymore. 

But then he’d remember that it was his own fault.

Ryuji crushed the bottle in his hand after he had downed the rest of the water and ran his hand over his chin. The chilly evening air was refreshing on his flushed skin and it almost felt like everything was okay, like the past year had never happened. He sighed, contented, and pushed himself off the wall of the gym. Even though he couldn’t run like he used to he could still do a little work out to keep himself in shape and let off some steam and he was grateful for that. He felt much happier and more relaxed than ever.

Ryuji looked down at his phone. It was already dark even though it wasn’t that late and his mom would return from work in a few hours. Maybe he should surprise her with dinner? It had been a while since they had something other than take-out and he was in the mood to cook something to surprise her. She worked hard for the both of them after all, it was the least he could do. And he had disappointed her way too much over the past few weeks, _months_ , he wanted to see her face light up in happiness again.

“Alright,” he muttered under his breath and stretched his arms over his head before he exhaled with a smile on his face and made his way out of the side street. He slung his bag over his shoulder and snaked his way through the people clogging up the street, careful not to bump into someone. It took him a few minutes to reach the nearest store, grab the needed ingredients for the Nikujaga he wanted to prepare for his mother, dig out his money to pay for his things and leave the store with a sigh.

Something wet dropped down on his face and he looked up. A few more raindrops came down, sliding down his face and he furrowed his brow. _Great_. He didn’t have an umbrella with him and he wasn’t sure if he could outrun the rain once it would start. He huffed and started to make his way to Shibuya station, hoping he could make it home without getting too wet. 

That was his plan but then someone grabbed him by his arm and pulled him in a side street. Ryuji gasped in surprise. “ _What the–_ “ But a hand covering his mouth cut him off and he could feel panic welling up inside of him. 

He never really liked being in the city when it got dark. Darkness meant danger.

“Hey, if it isn’t Sakamoto…” he heard a familiar voice somewhere near his ear and Ryuji tried to yank his arm out of the iron grip. Someone chuckled – _he sounds like a fucking horse_ – and he got thrown to the ground, dropping his grocery bags. He cursed under his breath and looked up. Four guys were surrounding him, looking down on him with their ugly grins and Ryuji recognized one of them. It was that shitty wannabe gang leader from the other school, the one that had provoked him over the past weeks and got his ass beaten by him. He looked stupid, how he was grinning at him like he had a cramp in his cheeks and with his red dyed hair – it looked so cheap and _shitty_ , Ryuji had no idea why his teachers were freaking out about his blond hair, they really should see this guy. He probably expected Ryuji to tremble in fear but he just gave him a smirk. “Hey, if it isn’t the loser who got owned a few days ago,” he said in his best arrogant voice. “Your face looks like you fell in dog shit.” 

The redhead didn’t take it so well. His bruised face screwed up in anger and he kicked Ryuji in the ribs. The blond let out a pained noise, trying his best to keep down his voice as he rolled onto his side to hold his ribs. He felt how the coldness of the dirty, wet ground seeped through his clothes.

“Well, aren’t you _funny?_ ” He felt a foot on his temple, pushing his head down until he grit his teeth from the sharp pain in his skull. “You think you’re _so clever_ and _strong_ but you’re fucking _nothing_.”

“Aha…” Ryuji hissed through his teeth and glared at the redhead. “And you need your three cocksuckers to tell me that?”

The other laughed and his companions did the same even though Ryuji was sure they didn’t even know why they were laughing. “Oh, _Sakamoto_ , I take back what you said,” redhead sighed and pretended to wipe tears of laughter out of his eyes. “You’re as dumb as you look.”

“Ever looked in a mirror?” He earned another kick for that, this time from that guy next to redhead, and his face scrunched up in pain but he couldn’t hold back the snicker.

“Yeah, yeah, laugh while you can,” redhead hissed. “’cuz once I’m done with you you'll wish you were dead.” He snapped his fingers like he was some dramatic villain and then there was only _pain_. As the four guys kicked and punched him he saw his grocery bag from the corner of his eye and for a second the happy face of his mother flashed through his mind, slowly fading away.

_I really am a bad son, huh…?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~I probably should quit smoking too :')~~
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> Thank you all so much for your nice comments, I'm glad you like my work!  
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> Find me on [tumblr](http://khohnsu.tumblr.com/)


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